


The Daughter Named Rosie

by ThingsThatRuinedMyLife



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Mild Language, Parent Death, Parent-Child Relationship, Self-Acceptance, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5360195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThingsThatRuinedMyLife/pseuds/ThingsThatRuinedMyLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are so happy to bring home their beautiful little girl Rosie. As she gets older, things get discovered and they all learn to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Home

"Oh she's just beautiful. Phil are you looking? Look how cute she is!"

"Dan she's perfect."

The new parents sat side by side in awe of their new baby girl Rosie. She had golden hair which was likely to turn to brown, and the prettiest green eyes. 

It was a long process of filling out paper work and so so much waiting, but she's finally here. Her mother couldn't afford to care for her all on her own so she turned to adoption. Luckily Dan and Phil were there, just waiting on a call from the agency.

"What do you think her first words will be?" Dan said turning to look at Phil.

"Probably existential crisis knowing you."

Dan laughed and looked back at his new daughter.

"It will probably be papa, or dad whichever one."

"She really is perfect isn't she?" Phil said, wrapping his arm around his husband pulling him in closer.

"She will always be to me."

"Welcome home." Phil said.

For a while the house was quiet. Rosie sat sleeping in her bassinet until around 1 am and she woke up screaming as loud as her tiny lungs would let her.

"Dan remember when we said she was perfect?" Phil said turning so he was on his back, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Dan rolled out of bed and rushed over to the bassinet.

"You shut up she is to perfect, even when she's crying like she just lost a limb or something."

It was two hours until the two could get her back to sleep, parenting is not as easy as it seemed in the books.

"Is this the rest of our lives?" Dan asked.

"I think so." Came the reply.

"Are you ready?"

"More ready than I've ever been in my entire life."

   ....................

"Happy birthday Rosie!"

Everyone cheered as the small girl blew out her candles.

It was her 5th birthday and she was having the time of her life. Of course everything to a 5 year old is amazing.

"Do you want the first- oh okay you're just going for it aren't you?" Dan laughed as she reached her small hands into the cake and grabbed a piece for herself.

"Dad I'm five years old! I can do things by myself now."

Phil chuckled, "You're all grown up now are you? I guess you don't need me and daddy anymore?"

She jumped off of her chair and threw her cake covered hands around the pairs necks.

"No! I don't want you to go! I can just do things by myself is all."

"Oh alright then. Don't worry my little Rosie we aren't going anywhere." Dan said laughing, wiping cake off of the neck of his shirt.

"Why don't you go off and play? Me and your dad will clean up." Phil said, affectionately wiping a bit of cake Dan had missed from his shirt.

"Okay! Bye dad bye daddy! Hey Jakob wait for me I want to play too!"

The two waved to her and watched their little girl go off to play.

"Time flies doesn't it?" Dan said, cleaning up extra cake and cups.

"Soon enough we'll be shipping her off to Uni." Phil joked.

Dan spun around quickly, Phil's hands grabbing his hips.

"Don't you dare say that! She's only five Phil don't make me cry!"

Phil chuckled, his glasses falling down slightly as he did so.

Dan pushed them up, a grin slowly forming on his face. He leaned in and gave him a quick peck.

"Ewww! Kissing!" A few of the kids said before turning away to continue their game of tag.

"Yeah Phil, gross." Dan fake shuddered.

"Oh stop it you love it."

"I do you caught me."


	2. Changing The Station

"Rosie what are you doing?" Her Grandmother shouted across the yard.

She was playing with some trucks the boy next door gave her.

Dan and Phil were in the house enjoying a cup of tea. Dan's mother said she would watch Rosie for a bit while the two went out for lunch.

"I'm just playing Nanna."

"With trucks? Honey those are made for boys not girls. Here have some of Nanna's old dolls, these are much better." Her Grandmother said, crouching down to show the 7 year old the dolls. Phil watched from the window, sipping his tea cautiously.

"What's going on?" He said, Dan was still playing with his phone not looking.

"Hmm?" Dan said looking up at Phil. He followed his gaze to see what he was looking at.

"Probably just playing with her. It's fine Phil, she's good with kids. I mean I turned out okay."

"Yeah I guess."

"But Nanna I like these ones better." Rosie argued, refusing the dolls. Her Grandmother stood up, hands on her hips.

"It's just not appropriate for a young lady to play with, well with these toys." She ripped the truck from Rosie's hand causing it to catch on her skin, making a small cut. Rosie saw the blood and began crying.

"Daddy I got a cut!" She wailed.

"Well see it as God's way of punishing you Rosie dear."

Dan came rushing out as soon as he saw what happened, Phil following soon after. "Mum what the hell?" He said scooping Rosie up from the ground, drying her tears.

"She was playing with toys that are made for boys Daniel. Don't you think that's a little inappropriate for a young lady?"

"I think it's a little inappropriate that you think you know what's best for my child. She can play with whatever the hell she wants to. Thanks mum but we'll be going home now." Dan's mother stormed inside and Phil took Rosie from Dan who stormed off to go start the car.

"Daddy?" She sniffed.

"Yes?"

"Is it bad that I want to play with the boy's toys and not with the girl kind?" Phil put Rosie down and knelt down to her level, grabbing her shoulders gently.

"Rosie there is no such thing as girl toys or boy toys. You can play with whatever kind you want it doesn't matter, they're all just toys sweetie." She rubbed her eyes and nodded, reaching up for her dad to pick her up again.

The ride home was silent as Rosie fell asleep in the back. Dan's knuckles turned white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.

"Bear?" Phil said calmly.

"Yeah?" Dan spoke through clenched teeth.

"It's going to be okay. Your mum's just set in her ways. You know how she can be, she almost didn't going to our wedding and nearly didn't see Rosie after we adopted her. She's just not used to the fact that times have changed." Dan loosened his grip and nodded, feeling some of the stress melt away.

Phil rubbed Dan's thigh reassuringly and turned back to check on Rosie. "She's perfect the way she is and if she doesn't want any girl toys, she doesn't have to have any." Dan nodded in agreement, he was still thinking about if his mum would refuse to see them on holidays again. But he looked over at Phil, still smiling at Rosie and knew that he had the most perfect family he could have asked for, and he didn't need anything else.


	3. Draw Your Feelings For Me

Rosie stood in front of the mirror, no matter how long she stared she never liked what she saw. She couldn't understand this feeling. She would dress up in her prettiest dress and stare for hours at the mirror, still never feeling quite right.

All the girls at school made fun of her, saying how she was a freak because she liked to draw and read instead of play sports with the others.

Her dad's didn't think so though. They thought she was the most perfect thing ever. She loved them but, maybe her dad's were wrong.

Parents can be wrong sometimes right?

"Alright class it's time to line up and go out to recess!"

The class cheered and began a single file line out the door. Rosie was last in line like always. Nobody would stand behind her, afraid they would catch her cooties.

She sat outside on a rock, far away from the pavement where the other kids were playing an assortment of games involving a little round ball.

She sighed and began to finish her drawing. In the first one it was of a boy who was smiling up at the sun. His brown hair shinny and his eyes sparkling. In the next picture there was a girl who was looking sad at the ground, she had darkness surrounding her, unlike the boy.

"What's that?" Asked a little girl Rosie didn't recognize. She had curly orange hair and freckles dotting every inch of her face.

"It's a picture." Rosie said, immidietly shoving it against her chest away from the girl.

"Why can't I see?" Said the girl.

"Because you're going to make fun of it."

"No I won't, I promise!" She stuck out her pinky finger, awaiting Rosie to meet her.

"Aren't you afraid you'll catch cooties like everyone else is?"

"My mommy says cooties aren't real and mommies are always right."

"What about daddies?" Rosie asked, maybe this girl would know.

"They are too, my daddy also says so."

"Well okay then." Rosie said and stuck out her pinky finger, sealing the deal that the girl wouldn't make fun of her drawing.

Rosie slowly took it away from her chest and gave it to the girl, studying her reaction. She didn't laugh or say it was lame, she simply stared at it, taking it in.

"This is really good!" The girl said with glee.

"You think so?"

"Yeah! I really like the boy in it, but how come the girl looks so sad?"

Rosie shrugged "It's because that's how I feel, the girl in me is sad because she can't be the boy."

The little girl accepted the answer as if it was the simplist thing that everyone should be able to understand.

"What's your name?" The little girl asked.

"It's Rosie, what's yours?"

"My names Madeline but you can call me Maddie."

"Nice to meet you Maddie." Rosie stuck out her hand which Maddie gladly shook.

The bell sounded and even though recess was over, it was the beginning of Rosie and Maddie friendship.


	4. Normal Isn't Always A Good Thing

"Rosie dinners ready!" Phil called out.

Dan was sat down at the table, his laptop out.

"Dan put it away! And can you go get Rosie? I'll set the table."

Dan stood up and folded up his laptop, giving Phil a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Sure thing love, I'll be right back."

Rosie had just started 8th grade and she had already started spending a lot of time in her room. Dan remember those days, his teenage years were not the best and he was determined to make them better for her.

"Hey Rosie can I come in?" Dan said knocking on the door.

"Dinners ready." He said, still standing there after hearing no response.

"Rosie?" He said a bit more worried this time.

He turned the nob and opened the door.

He found Rosie crying on her bed, sobs wracking her small body.

He rushed to her side, kneeling down and wrapped her in his arms, stoking her soft brown hair.

"Rosie honey what's wrong?"

She didn't say anything, she just pulled away from Dan and took her hands away from her face.

"Oh my god." Dan put his hand to his mouth.

"Phil? Love, can you come here?" He said with the calmest voice he could muster. His eyes never leaving Rosie's face as if he looked away she would disappear from him forever.

"What is it?" Phil said, he stepped in the doorway and Rosie turned to him, her beautiful green eyes filled with tears staring at him causing his heart to break.

Her delicate features were tainted by a giant purple bruise around her eye and a cut on her lower lip.

"Rosie what happened?" Phil as he sat down next to her, she leaned her head on his shoulder, Dan still on his knees by her feet.

"Some kids threw rocks at me and, um I looked back and this one kid was right behind me and he punched me in the eye. Maddie tried to help but, well she did the best she could. They were too strong and she had to run away."

She wasn't crying anymore, but Dan felt like it. He remembered being bullied in school, just not like this.

"Did you see who?"

"No Dad." Rosie said standing up off of the bed abruptly, her tone turning hostile.

"No I'm not a snitch, this isn't first  
grade where we tell on each other. I can handle it."

"Rosie we don't doubt that but if you could just tell us why."

"Why what Dad? Why I got beat up? I can't tell you it's too horrible, you'd probably give me away."

"Rosie you're our little girl, there's nothing that could make us do that." Dan said trying to go over and comfort her. She turned away from them, facing the mirror.

"Is it because you don't have a mum?" Phil asked quietly.

"What? No! Well sometimes but that's not the whole reason. I'm a freak, I don't have friends and I do weird stuff like draw and read all the time. I can't talk to people I just stutter, and a lot of other things I don't want to talk about."

"If drawing and reading is weird than we're all freaks." Phil said, trying his best to comfort her.

"I bet they read gross porn things and that's even weirder." This earned a laugh from Rosie.

"Ew dad that's gross."

"Exactly! Rosie don't listen to what they say. You just keep being you." Dan said laughing.

"You know what I always say right?" Phil said, Rosie turned back towards them and smiled that big beautiful smile they all loved.

"Yes of course, normalness leads to sadness. You say it like everyday."

"Well it's a good thing I do huh?"

She giggled and nodded.

"We can help you clean up and then we can sit down and have some dinner. Does that sound good?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, thanks dad, thanks daddy."

They knelt down and hugged the girl, as they did so she took a quick looked in the mirror and for a second she felt like she belonged.

......

Rosie was still at school and Dan went into his closet to see if he still had his "fancy" shirt for his date with Phil later on. Dan found it but noticed a few of his other shirts were missing.

"Phil?"

"What?

"Did you borrow my shirts again? I'm missing like three of them."

Phil walked in to see what he was talking about.

"Which ones?"

"Umm let's see, it's the galaxy one and the black one with the stars around the neck of it."

"Nope but I did borrow the laser cat one." Phil said nonchalantly.

Dan laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Well they couldn't have just disappeared. Seriously Phil did you?"

"No! I don't know check the laundry room."

Dan left to look for them in there, no such luck. He huffed and passed by Rosie's room, he didn't want to snoop but maybe the shirts were in there.

He opened the door carefully, peeking in as if she would somehow be in there.

_She's_ _at school_ _you_ _idiot,_ _just_ _take a quick look._

He opened it and began looking around. He then opened her closet, at first he didn't find anything.

"Ugh where the hell could they be?"

He was about to leave when something in the corner of the closet caught his eye.

His two missing shirts were bundled up on the floor of her closet.

"Oh no." He said, picking them up and throwing them in the washer, knowing exactly why they were there.

"Did you find them babe?" Phil asked from the kitchen.

"Um yeah, Phil?"

"What I swear it wasn't me!" Phil said laughing.

"No, no I know." Dan walked out into the kitchen.

"They were bundled up on the floor of Rosie's closet."

Phil cocky grin fading.

Phil sighed, if this had anything to do with last night he didn't know what this could mean for their daughter.

Whatever it was they had to keep an open mind, that seemed to be the best thing, for them and for Rosie.

"Should we, umm should we ask her about this and, also the other night? Phil she's really worrying me." Dan said, his voice breaking a bit.

"No, I think we should just let her figure this out and she'll come talk to us if she needs to."

"But isn't what she was doing last night bad for you? That's what I read online at least."

Phil didn't know the answer,

"If anything happens we'll be here."

Dan nodded, he just wanted her to be happy no matter what.

......

*The Night Before*

Rosie opened her backpack and began her nightly routine, which was not that of a normal teenage girls.

She did her homework while listening to her music, distracting herself from what she was going to do next.

As soon as she finished she put the work in her backpack, zippering it back up.

She felt her heart speed up and she slowly crept out of her room.

He parents seemed to be out in the living room so she shut the door as quietly as possible and crept down the hall.

She made her way to the bathroom, her sock covered feet not making a sound as she tip toed across the carpeted floor boards.

The floor creaked beneath her and she winced, stopping to hear if her dad's were coming down the hall.

Still nothing.

She walked on, quicker this time, just wanting to get this over with.

She walked into the bathroom which was right next to her parents room, pulling out the medical box and finding what she was looking for.

She didn't allow herself to think. This was only the second time she had done something like this and she refused to let herself think about it, fearing what it might mean.

She pulled off her sweater revealing her breasts, she didn't look in the mirror, already knowing she would be disgusted with what she saw.

Rosie took a deep breath, and then another, preparing for what she was about to do. She gripped the ace bandages tightly, closing her eyes for a moment before unraveling the bandage. She sucked in and began wrapping it around her exposed chest. She let out a small whimper from the pain, keeping her eyes closed shut so she couldn't see it.

The bandages began getting tighter and tighter around her, binding her breasts to her chest.

When she was finished she relaxed her diaphragm and put the bandages away in their box.

Rosie looked in the mirror and tried to imagine the bandages as one with her skin, when really it was just layers covering her shame.

She didn't cry as she slipped back on her sweater, and she didn't cry when she opened the door to her father's room and snuck into his wardrobe.

She chose one of his smaller ones, it was still big on her but she loved it on her nonetheless.

She kept her skinny jeans on and took a quick look in her dad's mirror, a sense of pride swelled within her.

She crept back down the hallway, still taking caution as to be quiet she made it back to her room.

Rosie then searched around her desk for a hair tie. She stood in front of her mirror and skillfully tied back her hair away from her face giving it the appearance of being short.

Once she was finished she stood back and looked at herself. She and admired how flat her chest looked and how much broader her shoulders were in her father's shirt.

There was only one thing left to do, this was the scariest part for her.

Rosie cracked open the window and crawled out so she was sitting on the ledge, listening for any signs of her parents coming in.

She hopped off and landed on the grass bellow, sneaking off into town to blend in with the crowd.

She walked around the market area and watched the rush of people go by. She did this to see if people would think twice about her, and so she could feel normal for a few hours.

"What is a little boy like you doing out at this hour all alone?" An elderly lady said from behind her.

Rosie turned around, the lady had a kind expression on her face, her words full of good intentions.

"My dad sent me out to buy some stuff, we only live a short ways away." She said giving the lady a smile.

"Well you be careful now! Take care young lad."

Rosie stood there, a smile grew on her face ten miles wide.

"She called me a boy." Rosie said quietly to herself.

"She said I'm a boy." She said again, this time a bit louder and with more confidence.

Rosie walked back home, dreading what she was going to have to do when she would get back.

Her breathing was getting a bit restricted and she felt as if her chest might implode.

 _Why does it have to hurt so badly to feel normal_? She wondered absently.

As she crawled back through her window she noted she had only been gone for an hour, one gloriously selfish hour.

She removed her shirt and threw it in the back of her closet with the other one she had borrowed from the only other time she had done something like this.

She looked in the mirror and her bandaged chest. She didn't want to take it off but it was really hurting her.

She slowly peeled it off, not taking her eyes off of the mirror the whole time.  
Her thoughts running wild in her mind, every instinct screaming at her to leave it be. To let her chest be confined forever, just to feel okay.

Dan went to check to see if Rosie was still asleep as it was nearly midnight.

"Are you going to check on Rosie?" Phil asked, taking his hand off of Dan's shoulder to allow him to get up.

"Yup, pause the TV will you?"

Phil nodded and got out his phone to keep himself busy.

Dan crept down the hall to Rosie's room, cracking her door open a bit.

At first he didn't register what she was doing, she was facing the mirror, looking at it very intensely, while taking something off of her chest.

Then it hit him, he nearly slammed the door shut from shock but he chose to quietly slip out of the room, hoping she didn't see him.

Dan rushed out into the living room, Phil obviously noticing his distraught expression.

"Dan what is it?"

"It's Rosie oh my god Phil she was, well I don't really know. She had bandages wrapped all around her chest and Phil I'm not sure what to do."

Phil grabbed Dan's shoulders, pulling him back from shock.

"Dan whatever she's doing it doesn't affect us. She's not doing anything illegal right?"

Dan nodded, a tear slipping down his cheek.

"Phil I'm just worried that she's going to hurt herself doing that and I don't know how to talk to her about it. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Dan you need to calm down."

Dan pulled out of Phil grip.

"Fuck no I'm not calming down! Our daughters in there practically suffocating herself and I'm not doing anything! Don't tell me to fucking calm down Phil."

Dan stormed off to his room, leaving a hurt Phil behind.

Rosie had her ear pressed against the cold surface of the wall, listening to the muffled sounds of her father's arguing.

As she heard Dan storm off she cried silently, tears streaking down her face.

She pulled away from the wall and threw her self to the floor. As she sat there with her legs tucked underneath her, she saw her reflection flash in front of her in the mirror and anger boiled within her.

She clenched her fist and threw a punch at it causing the glass to crack, distorting her reflection even further.

She held her bloodied fist and wept, she cried for her father's who she had caused to fight, for her grandmother who refused to see them because of her, for the her only friend who was stuck with her even though she was a freak.

"I'm am a freak." She whispered, letting the thoughts she always tried so desperately to fight, sink in.

She crawled back up onto her bed and began falling asleep on a tear stained pillow, her heart broken for those she burdened with her very existence.

Phil walked into her room, kneeling down to see her face. He brushed the hair away that was stuck to her face from the sadness that threatened to spill over at any moment.

"Rosie you're so perfect and we love you, please don't worry about daddy. He loves you so much he's just worried. I love you Rosie."

She nodded sleepily and he placed a kiss on his daughters forehead, heading off to his room to comfort his husband.  
  
  
  
  


 


	5. Mirror Mirror on the Wall

"Hey Rosie try this one on!" Maddie said flinging over a dress into her dressing room.

Rosie felt humiliated putting it on, she felt out of place and ridiculous but Maddie assured her that this is what the cool girls wore. If she didn't want to get beat up in high school this is what she was going to have to do.

A pair of green eyes stared back at her in the mirror, judging her.

She looked down at the frilly black fabric, and then at the pink and purple flowers printed onto it. Her eyes fell to her brown hair which fell much to far down, then to her shoulders, which weren't broad enough for her liking, then down to her legs which were not muscular enough.

She felt out of place in her own body, it was a feeling she couldn't describe with all the words in the English dictionary.

"It feels so dumb." Rosie said looking in the mirror. She turned to look at it from behind. It felt wrong and out of place, it didn't fit right with her mind, not just her body.

"Oh just let me see!" Maddie said excitingly.

Rosie opened the door and Maddie's eyes opened wide.

"You look gorgeous! See I told you! Soon enough you'll be the coolest girl in school."

Her dad's came around the corner and saw her in the dress.

"Look Daniel, our little girl is all grown up." Phil said with delight.

Rosie's face turned bright red, the word "girl" sunk in for the first time unlike before.

She turned back to the mirror and was disappointed when she didn't see a boyish figure looking back at her.

Everything was suddenly very overwhelming for Rosie. Her head was spinning. The words "girl" and "she" spun around and around her mind before she couldn't take it anyone.

"Okay stop!" She yelled out, still fixated on her expression.

Dan and Phil stopped chatting and started at each other, than at Rosie.

Maddie stood there, wide eyed and concerned for her friend.

"I just, I don't think the dress looks right on me okay? I-I don't like it."

Maddie quickly got out of her state of shock and tried to be a good friend.

"Yeah no of course. I'm sorry I just thought you liked it was all."

Rosie turned around to see a very hurt Maddie and very confused parents.

"Maddie don't worry, it just feels weird on me. I'm sure we'll find a better one soon don't worry." She gave her a reassuring smile.

She then looked up at her parents, they smiled at her, letting her know that they were fine.

Maddie said goodbye as her parents needed her back home.

"Bye Maddie!" Rosie called out, Maddie gave her a small wave before jogging to the exit of the store.

Rosie got changed as quickly as possible and headed towards her parents.

"So you don't want a dress for the first day?" Dan asked.

She shook her head, definitely not.

"Well you still need something so let's go over here."

As they began pointing different sweaters and skirts Rosie couldn't help but look over at the boys section.

There was one shirt that she couldn't take her eyes off of.

A long sleeved blue button up, it was simple and good for a first day.

There was only one problem, it wasn't for girls.

"Rosie? Hello? Are you even listening? We found something you might like."

She snapped her attention back over to the pink sweater Dan held in his hands. Phil peered over her shoulder to see what she was staring at.

She felt her face heat up, oh no.

He was going to think she was a freak and send her away wasn't he?

Phil strode over to the boys section and took the shirt off of the hanger and brought it back over.

"Is this what you want?" He said holding it up for Dan to see. He looked at it with a pleased expression, nothing of disgust or anger.

"Umm." She didn't say anything at first, unsure if she was dreaming this.

"Yeah that one, are you sure you want to buy that for me? It's not for girls."

"If you want it of course, I'm not going to buy you something you don't even like." Phil said simply.

She beamed up at her father's.

"Daddy what do you think?"

Dan looked back down at his daughter and smiled "I love it."

Phil suggested they go look for more clothes in the "boys" section instead.

They picked out a whole knew wardrobe for her, not a single dress or pink sweater to be found.

Rosie was the happiest she had been in a while.


	6. The Handsome Daughter

"Rosie are you almost ready? It's your first day of high school I would like some pictures please!"

Rosie stood in front of the mirror. She was wearing her brand new converse, black skinny jeans, and the blue button up she had picked out.

She opened the door and walked down the stairs towards the door with confidence, something she hadn't had much of before.

"You look amazing." Dan said walking over to button the shirt up one more, and straightening the collar. Once he smoothed it out he gripped her shoulders tight, a tearfilled smile splayed on his face.

"Dad I swear if you cry I will riot."

"Okay okay no crying. There will be pictures though!"

"Ugh fine."

...........

Rosie walked around the halls on her first day with pride. She asked for help when she didn't know where to go, all without stuttering once.

It's amazing what a simple change in wardrobe could do.

She didn't see Maddie once, which was upsetting. Maybe she'd text her afterwards.

Just as she thought that she spotted her at the end of the hall.

"Hi Maddie! I haven't seen you all day where have you been?"

"Um going to classes I guess." She said as if she'd rather not be taking to her.

Rosie wondered what was going on when she noticed the other girls standing next to her.

She had made new friends it seemed.

"Oh well, that's fine. I'll see you later then?"

Maddie nodded and Rosie turned away.

"What is she like some kind of freak? Why isn't she just wearing a normal outfit like the rest of us what's her deal?"

"Is she a he? That's so weird."

Rosie heard the comments the girls Maddie was hanging out with had made.

The words sank in, tearing her new found confidence to shreds.

Rosie walked faster until she got to the bathroom, noticing all too much how it was the women's room and not the men's.

She gripped the counter and stared into the mirror.

"Ugly fucking stupid idiot. You'e a freak and you deserved to hear everything they've said." She said, the words falling off of her tongue like venom.

She opened her bag to get tissues when a shiny object fell out. She bent down to pick it up when she realized what this was.

She hadn't needed this since that day in 8th grade when she got beat up.

She put the blade to her wrist with a shaking hand, making sure her sleeve would cover it.

She slide the razor with ease, the blood quickly collecting on her thin pale wrist.

She wiped it away and applied pressure. She stared at her reflection as if she stared hard enough she'd become someone else.

She went to make another cut when she hesitated.

Her father's would be disgusted with her, she had betrayed them.

_Look at you,_ _you're_ _a mess. Just because some girls said some shit about you_ _you're_ _going_ _to cut?_

She shook her head clearing her mind. As soon as the blood stopped she rushed out of the bathroom just in time as someone else walked in.

_You've_ _got to be strong, no more of this. Please Rosie do it for your d_ _ad's_ _and for your mother, she_ _wouldn't_ _want_ _to know_ _this is_ _what_ _her daughter had_ _become_ _._

And with that Rosie walked off to class, with a different kind of confidence and a thicker skin.

 


	7. No More Pretending

"What do you want for your sixteenth birthday?"

Rosie was sat on the couch next to him browsing on Tumblr. Dan laughed as she reminded him of himself.

"Um I'm not sure."

She said and paused,

"Actually that's not true I do know."

She shut the laptop and put it on the table sitting up.

Dan leaned up forward more to give her his full attention.

"Well since I'm buying my own car I figured this would be my present."

Rosie always liked to be independent so she insisted on her buying her own car.

"Okay what is it?"

"I want my haircut."

Dan slowly blinked and nearly laughed at the request. At least she didn't want drugs or money.

"But you get your haircut every year you goose, what's so special about this one?"

She didn't answer instead pulling put her phone and showing him a photo of what she wanted.

They haircut was called the "undercut" and it did look very stylish.

Dan raised his eyebrows skeptically and then looked at Rosie's expression.

She desperately needed this, that much was clear.

"Well I love it but you should ask dad what he thinks."

"Thank you so so much dad this means the world to me." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and jumped up to ask Phil.

Dan was so proud of Rosie, he's said it a thousand times and he'll say it again,

she is and always will be perfect to him.

......

"Okay are you ready to see?" The hairdresser asked.

"I've been ready for a long time now miss."

The hairdresser laughed at this but it was no joke to Rosie.

The she opened her eyes her heart swelled with joy.

She finally looked like she's always wanted to. All those times of her lifting her hair up out of her face in the mirror, just to see what she would look like with short hair were finally over. It was here, she did it.

This was the best birthday she's had in long time.

Dan and Phil both jumped up when they saw their daughter.

She was wearing her jean short sleeved button up and blue skinnies, complete with her worn out Chuck Taylor's. She was the boy she always envisioned in the mirror at night.

The boy she was always meant to be.

Today was a day to remember. Today was the day she finally felt like him.


	8. Why Isn't She Smiling? It's Because He's Not Here.

It was the beginning of senior year.

Rosie had chosen to focus more on his career choices than anything else.

He didn't have time to focus on gender issues and he hardly noticed that he still had no friends.

"Um hi, Rosie?" He looked up from his drawing, it was lunch time and drawing was the only thing keeping him company.

"Hello?" He hardly recognized the girl when he realized.

"Oh my god are you Maddie?"

"Yes! I didn't think you'd remember me!" She motion if she could sit next to him.

Rosie nodded and scooted over, making room under the oak tree he was sat under.

"How are your dads?" She asked politely.

"They're good yeah, Dan got a new job and Phil is still at his old one which the fool loves to death." He chuckled.

Maddie laughed, she seemed tense.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

She twirled a curly strand of hair nervously.

"Um yeah, I'm sorry I ditched you the past few years. I actually really miss you. Those girls, they're not my friends. I mean it's fucking senior year it's time to figure out who my real friends are you know?"

He sat there not knowing what to do with all of that.

"You don't have to be friends with me or whatever I just want you to know I'm sorry for being a bitch, clearly you didn't need me because you've got the highest grade in the class but, I'm sorry." She got up and left, leaving Rosie to think about her words.

He missed her too, it's true. Maybe just maybe, they could be friends again.

......

"Dad I have a question?"

Phil looked up from his cereal he had been eating while half watching master chef with Dan.

He paused the TV, both men looking up at Rosie.

"Oh I didn't know you were both in here."

"Rosie it's fine you can tell both of us, what is it?"

He fiddled with the sleeved of his sweater he got last Christmas from Dan, it was his favorite.

His heart began beating heavily in his chest, this moment was going to change everything. Rosie took a deep breath,

"Can you call me he instead of she?"

Rosie had already been doing that internally, he just would like it if everyone else would.

"Of course we will. Rosie you don't have to worry about us judging you or anything like that. We love you and you can trust us enough to talk about this."

Rosie looked up at his fathers, filled with nothing but love.

Dan grabbed Phil's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Would you also like us to call you our son instead of daughter?"

Rosie eyes lit up, "I would love that." He said, a grin spreading across his face.

"I have a name too." He said, feeling rather brave.

"What is it?" Dan asked, the smile never leaving his face.

"Umm, well it took a while to think about it like it should probably, but um I really like Riley."

Phil turned to Dan and they shared a look of happiness. Their son was finally himself.

"Of course we'll call you that, it sounds perfect."

Dan and Phil stood up to hug their son, who was almost as tall as them now.

Riley hugged back tightly, like if he had let go the world would slip beneath his feet.

This is Riley, not Rosie. And Riley is happy.


	9. Empty The Stars Above

Riley opened up his closet and took out the tux his father's had rented him for this night. He noticed something on the back of the tux, it was a binder with a note tapped to it reading,

_We love you Ri!_

_\- Your_ _Dad's_

It might be an odd gift to anyone else but to Riley it meant the world.

He chuckled at the cheesy manner the note was written in and knew in some sense Dan was doing it ironically.

Riley slid the binder over his head and took a look in the mirror. It was nothing like the ace bandages he wrapped around his chest when he was 14. This was comfortable and safe, this was the right way to do things.

He put on the tux, which was quite the process and took a final look in the mirror. He was completely and utterly happy with what he saw.

"You look so handsome!" Phil declared as Riley stepped out of the bedroom.

It was prom night and Riley could not have been more nervous.

"When's your date coming?" Dan asked being the nosy parent he was.

"She's on her way Dad calm down. You know it's supposed to be me picking  _her_ up right?"

"Yeah but that's sexist Ri, women can drive if not better than us men." Phil said straightening Riley's bow tie.

"Plus your car is in the shop." Dan added causing the three of them to burst out laughing.

Riley couldn't help but smile when he heard his father say, "us men."

As a few minuets went by the door bell rang.

"I'll get it!" Riley yelled jumping up from the couch and down the stairs the greet his date.

"Hi!" She said cheerily as ever. Her hair still wild and orange as ever, just as Riley liked it.

"Wait she's not pizza." Dan said with false disappointment.

Everyone began laughing as Phil made them go upstairs for pictures.

"You look so lovely Maddie." Dan said as they finished up the pictures.

"Awe thank you Dan."

Dan insisted she called him that since Mr.Howell-Lester sounded extremely odd.

"Goodbye you two! Don't do drugs!" Dan and Phil shouted as the two left for prom night.

"I cannot believe he's going to prom. I thought for sure he'd want to stay in and watch Netflix and eat pizza with us instead."

"Well they can't stay young for ever can they Philly?" Dan said leaning over the counted, head cradled in his hands.

"You know, we have the house all to our selves." Phil suggested.

Dan raised an eyebrow.

"Oh do we now?"

Before Phil could say anything else Dan, at the speed of actual fucking light, grabbed a bag of chips and the Chrome cast remote and raced to the bedroom shouting,

"Naked Netflix time!"

Phil rolled his eyes and shouted back, "Not what I meant you dork!"

......

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea." Riley said, his stomach in knots as the pair stood in front of the gymnasium doors.

"Riley this is the rest of your life." Maddie said simply.

"What?"

"The rest of your life is going to be this moment, if you want it to go well, you gotta hold yourself with confidence. It's all in your posture." She turned and forced his shoulders up, causing him to stand a bit taller.

He smiled at her and clutched her hand, opening the doors to the rest of his life.

Maddie held his hand tightly, not giving two flying shits what people thought.

"Let them think what they want," She said, noticing Riley's posture start to shrink under the prying eyes of his peers.

"I say we should just have some fun for once." She said, her smile never fading.

"You're so great."

"I know." She said laughing.

They danced until it was hard to breath. Which was pretty easy considering neither of them do much exercise.

"Come on let's get out of here." Riley shouted, a burst of confidence swirling in his heart. He dragged Maddie by the hand and out of the stuffy gymnasium.

The hopped in her car and drove off, leaving the stares and judgment behind them.

"Where are we going?" Maddie asked as they drove down the road going nowhere in particular. She looked out the window, brushing the delicate wisps of her orange hair from her face, the glow from the street lights illuminating in her eyes

"Where ever we want." He replied, taking her hand.

They drove to a lake near by where the two of them lay side by side on the hood of the car, holding hands and staring up in the sky. The song I Will Follow You Into The Dark playing on the car radio.

_L_ _ove of mine,_  
_some day you will die_  
_But I'll be close behind_  
_I'll follow you into the dark_  
_No blinding light_  
_or tunnels to gates of white_  
_Just our hands clasped so tight_  
_Waiting for the hint of a spark._

"You're not going to want to stay with me." Riley spoke suddenly, the silence that engulfed them fading away with those few words.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a freak." Riley said, his heart beating heavy with the pain of his past.

"You're not a freak Ri, I think you're beautiful and handsome and everything in between. You were my only friend all the way until secondary school and I really do like you, like a lot."

_If Heaven and Hell decide_  
_That they both are satisfied_  
_Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs,_  
_If there's no one beside you as your soul embarks,_  
_I'll follow you into the dark._

Riley smiled, squeezing her hand and staring up at the stars.

"Look, there's the big dipper." Riley said pointing up at the vast darkness that lay above them.

Maddie laughed, "Ri I don't think it is."

"Well we can make one up then. How about that cluster over there, we'll call it The Lion Man."

"Why would we call him that?" She said chuckling.

"Because he's brave, so whenever you need to be brave you can just look up at the sky and he'll be there."

"But what if it's daytime?"

"He's still there, even if you can't see him. He'll always be there."

"I love it." She said.

They sat in silence, taking comfort in one another and getting lost in the lazy way the song played.

_In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule_  
_I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black_  
_And I held my tongue as she told me,_  
_"Son, fear is the heart of love."_  
_So I never went back._

They stared at the sky and saw the way it melted into the lake, in such a way where you couldn't tell where the sky started and the lake began.

They admired the way the stars elegantly fell onto the lakes surface, gracing every inch of the water with their presence.

"You're happy though, right?" She asked abruptly.

Riley turned so he was facing her,

"I'm not sure what I am, but I know that right now this is where I want to be, with you."

"That's beautiful Ri."

"Not as beautiful as you." Riley said grinning cheekily.

"Wow that was smooth." She said giggling. Her hand falling onto Riley's cheek, rubbing her thumb against the smooth surface of his skin.

Riley looked into Maddie's eyes, his green ones against her blue ones.

He didn't realize he was kissing her until he ran out of air to breathe.

He pulled away and she looked at him, still a bit shocked.

"That was amazing." She said.

"Really? I've never done it before I didn't know I'd be any good."

"Riley?" She said putting her finger to his lips.

"Stop talking."

It was her turn to kiss him now.

Riley fell in love with her that night, and for the rest of his life.

......

"Bye Maddie I'll see you next week!" Riley waved goodbye to his date and stepped inside his house.

"Hello? I'm home!" He heard the sound of someone running.

Sure enough Dan appeared at the top of the stairs

"Philly! He's home!"

Riley dashed up the stairs as he was bombarded by his father's.

"How was it?"

"You didn't have sex did you?"

"Did you dance?"

"Did you kiss anyone?"

Riley stood there laughing.

"It was good, I did not have sex, I danced  _a lot,_ and yes I did kiss someone."

The two gasped like school children.

"Was it Maddie?" They said simultaneously.

Riley nodded and they cheered.

"Were so happy for you Ri." Phil said pulling his son in for a hug.

"We really are."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?" Dan said.

"Are you drunk?" Riley said leaning in to sniff Dan, his nose scrunching when he smelled alcohol.

"I'm only slightly intoxicated thanks to your Dad."

"That's hilarious Dad, let me guess? A Netflix marathon was involved."

"You know us to well." Phil chuckled.

"It's almost midnight so let's go Philly, Riley go to bed, go get." Dan waved him off, swaying slightly.

"Night guys! Love you!"

Riley went to bed that night with a permanent smile on his face, listening to their song on repeat .

_You and me have seen everything to see_

_From Bangkok to Calgary_  
_And the soles of your shoes_  
_are all worn down_  
_The time for sleep is now_  
_It's nothing to cry about_  
_'Cause we'll hold each other soon_  
_In the blackest of rooms._

_If Heaven and Hell decide_  
_That they both are satisfied_  
_Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs,_  
_If there's no one beside you as your soul embarks,_  
_I'll follow you into the dark._


	10. Mother Dearest

"Why won't you go to the wedding? Mum this is the biggest day in a person's life and you're not even going to show? You hardly come to birthdays and we haven't seen you for Christmas in years!"

Dan paced back in fourth, phone gripped tightly in his hand. Phil looked up from his laptop to give his husband a questioning look.

Dan held the phone to his chest so his mom couldn't hear.

"She says she's not coming. That Riley is a "disgrace to God himself"."

Phil shook his head and got up, wrapping his arms around Dan's waist and nuzzling his nose in the crook of his neck.

"Don't worry bear, you remember what happened at our wedding right? She refused to show then last minuet until she decided her son was more important."

"Yeah I guess." Dan sighed, lacing his fingers through Phil's that were still placed of his waist, still worried she might not show.

"Hey mum? Yeah just, if you can put aside you differences for this, Riley would really love if you could come. Okay bye love you."

Dan sighed putting the phone down.

"I just wish she would be a bit more liberal about this kind of stuff. I don't understand how our sons decision affects her."

"Everything's going to be okay Dan. I promise. I love you bear."

Phil said, spinning Dan around so he could look at him.

Dan smiled and leaned in to kiss him.

"I love you too Phil. Come on let's get some sleep."

.......

"I cannot believe we're almost getting married this is ridiculous." Maddie said attempting to tame her hair for her lunch date that afternoon.

"Is it such a bad thing?" Riley asked, wrapping his arms around his future wife's waist.

"No silly. I'm just saying it's crazy, we've known each other since fifth grade and we're getting married. Not many people get to have that you know."

Riley chuckled and kissed the top of Maddie's head.

"I love you so much. You should leave your hair natural too, I love it when you do."

She put down the straighteners and stared into her reflection.

"Are you sure you like it? I always hated it, it's all poofy and frizzy."

"Yes I'm sure, you're beautiful and so is your hair."

She spun around, leaving the straighteners on the desk, and placing a kiss on his lips.

"I love you too." She said, smiling against his lips.

 


	11. Here Comes the No Show

Riley looked in the mirror one final time.

His hair slicked back, the tux's wrinkles neatly pressed. He wiped his palms on his thighs, nerves flooding his body. This was one of the most important days in his life, it was happening.

He took at deep breath and walked down the aisle to the altar. He looked out at his family and friends smiling faces, everyone was there to support and love him.

He began searching for his grandmother in the crowd, his heart sinking when he didn't see her.

Dan saw this and gave him an encouraging smile, reassuring him that it would all be okay.

Riley remembered why he was here, not for his grandmother but for Maddie, the love of his life.

The music began playing and his heart swelled with anticipation. Everyone turned to look as Maddie stood in the doorway.

Riley smiled at her as she began walking towards him,   
towards their new life together.

His heart leapt in his chest  
as he saw her. She was the most elegant thing he had ever seen, nothing would could compare to her beauty on this day.

She stood in front of him and Riley fully drank in the sight of her. She left her hair natural, her blue eyes shining brightly, filled with love and excitement.

Her dress elegantly swept past her ankles, her veil cascading over her curly hair.

Maddie reached out, taking Riley's hands in hers.

The priest motioned for them to say their vows, a comforting silence falling over the room.

"Riley, " she began.

"We met when we were only ten years old, young and naive to the world. We weren't always in love, it was only when you were true to yourself that I fell in love with you, and I have loved you every day since."

Riley's eyes were brimming with tears as he cleared his throat, beginning his vows to his beloved future wife.

"Maddie, when we were younger you asked me if I was happy. I said that I wasn't quite sure what I was, but I knew I was where I wanted to be right then and there, which was with you. And standing here today I can say the same, I'm exactly where I was meant to be, and that's with you. Our love was meant to be big and brave and impossible, that's how I want the world to know of Riley and Maddie. And most of all I want them to know that I am yours and you are mine, forever together."

Maddie wiped a tear from her delicate face, a smile so bright it lit up the whole room.

"Can I kiss the bride now?" Riley asked, the whole room erupted in polite laughter.

"Yes, you may now kiss the bride."

Maddie's arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling herself impossibly closer to her husband.

The kiss united them as husband and wife, yet so much more.   
......

Riley stepped out onto the empty floor, hand outstretched reaching for Maddie's smaller one.

She took his hand and melted into his body, swaying in time with the song.

_Love of mine, some day you will die_  
_But I'll be close behind_  
_I'll follow you into the dark_  
_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white_  
_Just our hands clasped so tight_  
_Waiting for the hint of a spark._

Their hearts swelled as the song played on, just as it did when they were teenagers.

"I love you Maddie, more than you will ever know." He leaned his head on her shoulder and pretended like there wasn't a hundred eyes watching them.

He closed his eyes, taking in her presence that she brought everywhere she went.

"Will you follow me into the dark?" She asked laughing.

"Forever and for always." Riley said, leaning back to look at her, she was crying.

Riley wiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her.

"You're perfect." She said.

"You know, people keep telling me that." Riley said laughing.

"You're also a dork."

"And so are you."


	12. After (Life) of the Party

Dan, Phil, and Riley stood near a table, watching as his wedding day came to a close.

"I guess Grandma's not coming." He said, swirling his beer around in his cup.

Dan put a hand on his sons shoulder,

"Sorry Ri, you know how she is. Maybe it was for the best you know?"

Riley nodded, still upset that she didn't come to one of the most important events of his life.

"Um Dan?" Phil said, nudging his husband on the shoulder.

"Phil you nearly knocked my drink over what-" Dan stopped, turning to look behind them.

"Mum?"

.......

Riley turned around to see his grandmother standing there. She had a look of sadness buried beneath the shear stubbornness in her eyes.

"Hi Riley." She said, her voice raspy as if she had been crying all day.

Riley walked forward and hugged her.  
It took only a moment before he felt her fragile hands wrap around his back.

"I'm so glad you're here, I didn't think you were coming." Riley pulled away to look at her face.

"Well, I came to your father's wedding and I almost let their lifestyle get in the way of me coming. I'm not about to let that happen to you."

Riley had a smile that reached all the way to his eyes.

"Riley who is that?" Maddie asked, as she got closer she realized who was standing before her husband.

"Oh my god you made it!" She said rushing up to embrace Dan's mother.

She wholeheartedly hugged her back, a small smile forming on her wrinkled face.

Her eyes fell on Riley's face as she hugged Maddie. She mouthed something like an "I'm sorry" and Riley only nodded, not needing to hear anymore.

He has his whole family here with him and that was all he needed.


	13. Sick

"Phil come on were going to be late for dinner!" Dan called out grabbing the car keys off of the kitchen table.

He checked his shirt to make sure it was wrinkle free once more and waited for Phil.

"Phil?"

Dan was beginning to grow impatient and walked into their bedroom where Phil was sat holding his head in his hands.

"Phil are you alright?" Dam asked rushing to his side, his hand rubbing Phil's back reassuringly.

"I've had a pretty bad headache is all, I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll just take some more medicine."

"We can stay home if it's that bad." Dan offered.

"No don't worry about it. I'm sure it's just a bad migraine."

Phil got up and grabbed his jacket, and headed for the door.

He had a vague feeling something wasn't right but he ignored it.

He held the door open for Dan and made their way to the car.  
  
......

The two drove off to a fancy restaurant for a well deserved date, one that's been long over due.

Dan smiled over the table at Phil. Phil smiled back and winced. A look of concerned fell over Dan's face.

"Seriously Phil, you don't look so good."

Phil shook his head.

"No I swear I'm fine."

"We are old now Phil I'm sorry to say, shit happens that didn't when we were younger." Dan grabbed Phil's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I know I know, it's just a headache don't worry."

All throughout the date Phil was acting strange. He sometimes couldn't hear Dan when he was sitting right across from him and he kept nearly spilling his drink.

Dan would give him a look that Phil knew all to well. He was going to make him go to the doctors soon, that much he knew.

Suddenly Phil's stomach lurched, if he didn't go now he would loose his meal right at the table.

"I gotta go to the bathroom." Phil said quickly, leaving a very confused Dan sitting at the table.

Phil rushed into the nearest open stall and vomited.

"Holy fuck." He said, wiping his sweaty forehead on the back of his palm.

His didn't throw up again but he still felt incredibly nauseous.

Phil walked over to the sink and washed his hands and face. He looked into the mirror, his eyes were baggy, his hair a sticky mess. He felt awful for ruining their date.

Dan burst in searching for Phil. His eyes fell on him and he rushed to his side.

"You're not okay are you?" He asked, putting his hands up to Phil's pale face, feeling just how clamy he was.

Phil's head fell, and he shook it.

Dan rubbed his back, he knew he should have just made him stay home.

"Come on Philly let's go home."

The drive home was miserable as they had to pull over several more times for Phil to get out and throw up.

At one point Phil fell over, completely losing his balance and tumbling to the ground.

"Jesus Christ Phil what the hell is happening to you." Dan yelled, jumping out of the car to help him up.

"I'm sixty five years old Dan, I'm just falling apart."

"Oh sixty five isn't that old calm down. I'm sure it's just the stomach bug, but let let's go to the doctors just encase okay?"

Phil unwillingly got in the car and headed in the direction towards the doctors.

With Dan leading a shaky Phil through the hospital doors they checked in and got the best room they had.

"I hate this." Phil said grumpily.

"There's no need for this gown or these monitors, I'm fine honestly."

Dan chuckled, "Yeah you looked fine, Jesus Phil you could barley walk in here without falling over. Stop being such a grumpy old man and just do what the nice nurse tells you."

Phil laughed and agreed to be nice for the time being.

The nurse walked in and asked if they could do an MRI just to make sure everything was as it should be. Phil reluctantly agreed and told Dan to go home and get some rest, he'd come back after the MRI.

The drive home was one of the loneliest ones Dan's had in a while.

The car was silent as Dan drove down the barren highway towards home.

He sighed and tapped on the steering wheel nervously.

What if Phil had something seriously wrong with him? What would happen to him and Riley?

Dan switched on the radio and tried to block out those thoughts.

Everything was going to be fine, he just had to stay positive.

......

Phil crept into their bedroom, trying not to make so much noise as to wake Dan.

No such luck.

"How'd it go?" Dan asked sleepily.

Phil sat on the edge of the bed, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. They welled up in his ocean blue eyes and spilled onto his cheeks.

Dan was perfectly awake now.

"Philly what happened? What did they say?" He asked sitting up to be next to Phil.

Dan's voice was thick with worry, all his fears were suddenly being confirmed.

"Dan I have stage three brain cancer."

The words rattled around in Dan's brain before settling in his heart.

"Wh-what."

"The tumors are large and it's terminal. They're called Primitive neuroectodermal tumo tumors and they can happen anywhere in the brain. They're pretty rare I guess but, like you said I'm old. We fall apart Dan it's what old people do."

"But not people like you Phil." Dan whispered, his voice breaking.

"No no no no Philly you don't get sick, you're too wonderful to get sick. People like you don't have bad things happen to them Phil."

Phil sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.

"Dan I'm sorry, it unfortunately does. I'm not immune just because I'm nice that's not how that works."

"I know I just, I didn't think this would every happen to us. We've already been through so much I just thought it was over."

Dan was in tears, what was he supposed to do without Phil by his side? Phil has always been there, he always has.

Phil crawled up to the center of the bed and wrapped Dan up in the safety of his arms, rocking him back and fourth.

Dan sniffed, wiping away the tears.

"We have to call Maddie and Riley."

Phil looked over at the clock.

"It's three am why don't we call them in the morning?"

Dan nodded, leaning back into Phil's chest.

The sat like that until the suns rays touched their skin, until they could pretend like it wasn't happening.

Unfortunately you can't pretend forever, and nobody knows that more than Riley.

 


	14. Just Try to Get By

Only a few words made it to Riley's ears before his heart sank into his chest.

"Dad, stage three cancer, terminal."

After a long phone call with his father's Riley sat on the bed, his head in hung low in his hands.

"What's wrong baby?" Maddie said sitting down next to him.

"My dad, Phil. He has cancer. He's going to die." He said simply, still letting the news sink it.

Maddie sat there, not saying a word.

What can you say? Your husbands father, his role model, his childhood super hero, is going to die. He's being ripped away from Riley's life and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

She wrapped her arms around her husband who wept quietly into the palms of his hands.

"Were going to be okay Riley. We'll make it through, give it some time."

Riley nodded, trying to compose himself enough to talk.

"He's been one of the only people to stick by my side. He never once hesitated to support me. What the fuck, out of everybody on this planet he is the least deserving of this."

"I know Ri, Phil is such a good man. We have to stay strong for him okay? For him and for Dan."

Riley nodded and gathered up the courage he would need for the rest of his life.

......

Phil had a lot of good days, and his good days were some of the best. But his bad ones, were really bad.

After a while he refused treatment as it just made him even more sick. He was going to die anyways, there just wasn't any point anymore.

Dan would lay there, pretending to sleep as to not worry Phil. He would he listen to the whimpers of his dying husband. Phil would toss and turn and occasionally sweat so much he had to take off his clothes because they were soaked.

He cried out in pain every few hours and made the occasional trip to the bathroom to throw up any meal he could have possibly kept down.

And when Phil did sleep he would have nightmares. He would cry out in his sleep, he would call for Dan and Riley. Dan didn't dare wake him, afraid that if he did he wouldn't ever get any sleep.

It wasn't the kind of life Phil deserved, he always deserved better.

Riley visited Phil nearly everyday. When Dan had to go work Riley would go over and distract him from his declining health.

Riley never knew which Phil he was going to get, sometimes he would get the old Phil. The funny, full of life Phil who could do as he pleased. Or sometimes he would get the Phil that looked so weak he might crumble at the touch.

It was heartbreaking to watch the cancer eat away at his brain, Riley sat day after day, witnessing his father's slow decent to death.

The worst part was watching him forget things. It was usually small things like where he put his glasses when they were right in front of him.

The worst it's ever gotten was once he forgot Dan's name. At first they thought he was joking but when they realized he wasn't you could literally watch as Dan's heart broke into a thousand pieces.

Phil could barley get out of bed one day he was so sick.

"Riley!" Phil called out.

Riley rushed into the room to find Phil had vomited on himself.

"Hold on dad, don't worry I'll clean it up." Riley said as he rushed into the bathroom for some towels.

When he returned he found Phil crying.

"Dad what's wrong? I got it don't worry I'll clean it up."

Phil grabbed his sons arm with the last amount of strength he had.

"Riley, I just want to die, it hurts so bad. I'm sorry I tried, I really did."

Tears gushed down Phil's face, he had given up.

And that was okay.

Riley nodded and finished cleaning him up.

"I know you did dad, I know."


	15. Death is Never Kind

It was a warm sunny day in the small Manchester town where they've lived for so long.

Not a cloud in the sky. The birds flew about, unknowing to the tragedy that had befallen the Earth that day. They couldn't know the pain of the family that just lost one of their most beloved.

Phil died that day, along with Dan's heart.

Phil was his only love, without Phil there was no Dan.

Dan couldn't let go, even as he watched the life fade from his husbands eyes. Dan sat by his bed still clutching his cold lifeless hand.

"Please don't leave me Phil." Dan said, his voice only a hoarse whisper.

"I'll miss you too much."

Phil could only squeeze his hand in response.

Dan sat for hours, watching Phil's chest move up and down, up and down. He watched as it got slower and slower by the hour, his life slowly draining.

After a while Dan finally spoke again.

"Its okay Philly, if you let go. I'm sorry I didn't do better. I'll try harder next time I see you, love." Dan squeezed his hand and with the last strength Phil had he squeezed back once more before finally allowing himself to fade away. He was finally at rest, he could truly find peace.

Dan held Phil's hand for hours, not knowing what else to do.

He didn't know how to live without Phil.

.......

Dan woke up a few days before the funeral.

It was the middle of the night and he was drenched in sweat and on the brink of having an anxiety attack from a nightmare.

"Phil I just had-" he stopped himself for when he turned over, there was no one there.  
All there was an empty space where Phil should have been.

Pain exploded in his heart as grief took over. He grabbed the pillow that used to belong to Phil and he clutched it tightly, tears steaming down his face. He cried out in pain and his heart stung.

It was a feeling he could only be described as grief and loneliness.

The grief and loneliness that would hold his very bones together. Giving him the strength to go on and live another day without him.  
  
......

As people shuffled into the cramped church, Dan stood in the corner. Bags hung low under his brown eyes that were once so full of life.

"Hey dad." Riley said, walking away from greeting the endless line of relatives.

Dan just stared straight ahead at the casket, not saying a word.

Riley didn't bother him, he knew better.

Riley and Dan listened as countless relatives came up to speak about Phil and his achievements that he had made in his lifetime and how tragically he died.

They listened and didn't say a word as not one of them spoke about the real Phil. The one who cared so deeply for his small family that he nearly lost his job to stay in the house they so dearly cherished. The Phil that was willing to cut ties from his own mother to be with Dan if she couldn't come around to the idea of them. The Phil that, even at the very end, used his last bit of strength he had and gave it to Dan. Even if it was just a simple hand squeeze, it was all for Dan.

As everyone began pouring out of the church towards the cemetery, Riley heard the litter patter of rain of the churches roof and grabbed his umbrella. Maddie came over and took Riley's hand, giving him a never ending source of support.

Riley nodded over to his dad, who was still sat in the row he had been in all day.

He sat there, facing the coffin that held his dead husband.

Riley walked over to Dan.

"Hey dad, are you okay by yourself? Me and Maddie need to head out with the others, they're going to bury him soon. We can stay if you want but-"

"No it's okay, I need sometime alone with him. I still need to say goodbye."

Riley nodded, giving Dan's shoulder a squeeze.

Dan waited until the pair left. He got up and walked over to the coffin which Phil lay ever so still in.

If Dan tried real hard, he could still pretend that maybe he was still sleeping.

He traced his hand on the dark wood, still trying so desperately to pretend.

Dan's heart was so weighed down by grief, all he wanted was to go to Phil for comfort. Who was he supposed to go to now? If the only person who gave him comfort was gone. Who was to care for him, who would hold him after his nightmares became too real?

Who would make him soup when he was sick? Who would hum him to sleep when his insomnia would take over?

Dan felt so alone, nothing is worse than losing the person who you thought you'd never be without.

Dan lifted his foot up and climbed into the coffin to lay beside Phil. He buried his face in Phil's suit and cried. He held his cold, pale, lifeless hand just trying to somehow make him come back.

Dan listened to the rain pouring down, he let it lull him to a peaceful state of mind. Phil was gone, and he needed to let go.

Dan got out of the box that contained Phil, leaving him and the heartbreak behind.  
.....

As Dan stood there in the pouring rain he watched as they buried Phil, along with his heart.

 


	16. Welcome Home

"Dad look how handsome he is!" Riley exclaimed looking down at his new   
baby boy.

Maddie held the baby in her arms, rocking the sleeping infant back and fourth.

"Are you sure you're naming him Phillip?" Dan asked, still in awe of the newborn.

"Phillip is a name he should be honored to be called. It is a name of kindness and all things good. Dad was a good man, he deserves this."

Riley looked back down at his son. 

"He's perfect isn't he dad?"

Dan smiled up at his son, of all the things he's accomplished in his life, this was one of them that Dan was proudest of.

"He really is."

......

Just before baby Phillip turned one, Dan passed away.

It was of natural causes thankfully, he had lived a full life and could now be at peace. His heart complete once again.

Riley stood there, watching as they buried his father. He had lost both of them and now felt completely alone.

That feeling vanished when he felt Maddie's arms wrap around him, little Phillip asleep in his stroller.

Riley looked down at his little family, he knew he would never be alone as long as he had them with him.

"I'll make you proud dads."

.......

As Dan watched the world fade away he heard a voice off into the distance. The voice slowly turned into a shape, the shape into a body. Dan slowly recognized the body, it was Phil.

Dan smiled and took his hand once again. The two reunited at last, this time they wouldn't ever have to let go.

"Welcome home."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is the very first fanfiction I have ever posted and the first I've written for the Phandom! I can honestly say I would have never thought of letting this see the light of day until some friends of mine encouraged me to. I encourage you to share this and to continue to reading fanfiction, not just mine but the thousands of others out there alike.


End file.
